Update: 209lbs
Whew! I am glad to see that number again... and I even briefly (ok... very briefly) saw the 208's. Oh well... those will have to wait until February. So it leaves me with 9lbs to get rid of in the next month for me to be on track to my goal. Frankly, it sounds a little daunting. I haven't had a huge weight loss month like that since the early months, I think. But heck, can't hurt to try.
I had a good day yesterday, including the eating of two timbits and a lower-fat, lower-sugar ice cream option from Baskin Robbins. Delicious, and it fit within my daily allotted calories. Exercise was awesome - with my elliptical training, and then I ran for 6 minutes straight, with 4 more minutes later on. I worked my arms and did a little core work, but I haven't yet developed a routine for abs (I figure you can't see them anyway yet). A lot of my class came to the gym with me to just shoot hoops in hopes to practice for the evening game. And lastly, the evening game was a lot of fun, but I will admit I didn't play very much. I am hoping to keep practicing and actually develop some skill so I won't feel so awkward on the court. All of the other teams are scrappy... but both my class teams (we had so many players we cut our huge team into two) won their games last night. It would be great to see us play each other for the finals.
Today is going a little slowly. I meant to go to the gym bright and early this morning, but my knee is feeling wonky and I was super tired. So instead I spent the extra hour and a half before class sleeping on a couch in the lounge. It was wonderful. I may go to the condo gym tonight, but right now I am at my dad's house, so who knows when I'll get in. For sure I will make the effort tomorrow. Although, tomorrow will have to be a trip to the condo gym because I get a snow day! Yay! Odd, considering right now is sunny, blue skies... but we are supposed to get a huge snowfall by tomorrow mid-morning (I have to say that I have never put much faith in the weather -people's ability to predict the weather). So we'll just have to wait and see what Mother Nature actually has in store for us.
Food has been tough today. I have been feeling quite munchy and technically have eaten most of my calories for the day already and I haven't even had dinner. It just means I'll have to be a bit careful during dinner, skip dessert and drink lots of water. No need to freak out yet, but I somewhat wish I had pushed myself to workout this morning and then this would not really be an issue. Oh well... I never planned to workout 7 days a week anyway and I am no where close to my 'maintenance calories' value of 2700 - I checked to make sure.
So in other words... all is well... (and I had to throw out the rest of the frozen cookie dough otherwise I would have ended up eating it... frozen).
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Day 337: The Reason Why
Update: 210.6lbs
I think you all can guess that my hope for this morning was that it was all a dream and Mr. Scale would say 208lbs and all would be well. Of course, it didn't quite work out that way, but at least all that 'extra weight' I put on seems to be slowly fading. Last night, it definitely took most of my willpower not to stuff my face into the frozen batch of cookie dough and eat myself out of my cupboards - you know, just to make the gain a 'real one'. I managed to hold back for the most part (okay, I did have a couple spoonfuls of the dough, but I counted it!). I drank a crapload of water and even a couple mugs of green tea with the hope of speeding up my metabolism, however minutely.
I got to the gym, although circumstances of the day dictated that I didn't have enough time to do weights as well, but I definitely got in my 30 minutes of elliptical training and then I ran on the treadmill for 5 minutes (I am determined to build up my endurance and run for 10 minutes straight again!). It was an okay workout, but bittersweet - I was frustrated that I couldn't do weights, but I also didn't want to waste my time on something that wasn't going to help. It was a frustrating day of thinking about food and exercise almost constantly. I think it was just one of those days.
And look... the biggest loser contestants had a tough week too! (At least the black team did, and yes, technically this probably occurred 6 months ago, but I'll still take it as evidence).
I have lots of time to workout today, so I'll make sure I get a good workout in, I have to study for a couple of midterms coming up and then later on today I am playing intramural basketball with people from my class. It should be a busy day, where I don't have much time to dwell on the weight... I hope.
I don't like worrying about it, and intellectually I know the number on the scale isn't an indicator for the amount of work we've all put into it, but it's hard not to have an objective measure of success, even if it doesn't tell me what I want to hear. As frustrating as it is, I WAS up 3lbs... and I only knew to change something once I had received that feedback. Although, I definitely think it's time to wean myself from the scale a bit. I weigh myself way too often (I jump on and off the scale many, many times during the day)... once a day (in the morning) is my goal for the rest of the week.
Have a good day ladies! I wish you some non-scale success today...
I think you all can guess that my hope for this morning was that it was all a dream and Mr. Scale would say 208lbs and all would be well. Of course, it didn't quite work out that way, but at least all that 'extra weight' I put on seems to be slowly fading. Last night, it definitely took most of my willpower not to stuff my face into the frozen batch of cookie dough and eat myself out of my cupboards - you know, just to make the gain a 'real one'. I managed to hold back for the most part (okay, I did have a couple spoonfuls of the dough, but I counted it!). I drank a crapload of water and even a couple mugs of green tea with the hope of speeding up my metabolism, however minutely.
I got to the gym, although circumstances of the day dictated that I didn't have enough time to do weights as well, but I definitely got in my 30 minutes of elliptical training and then I ran on the treadmill for 5 minutes (I am determined to build up my endurance and run for 10 minutes straight again!). It was an okay workout, but bittersweet - I was frustrated that I couldn't do weights, but I also didn't want to waste my time on something that wasn't going to help. It was a frustrating day of thinking about food and exercise almost constantly. I think it was just one of those days.
And look... the biggest loser contestants had a tough week too! (At least the black team did, and yes, technically this probably occurred 6 months ago, but I'll still take it as evidence).
I have lots of time to workout today, so I'll make sure I get a good workout in, I have to study for a couple of midterms coming up and then later on today I am playing intramural basketball with people from my class. It should be a busy day, where I don't have much time to dwell on the weight... I hope.
I don't like worrying about it, and intellectually I know the number on the scale isn't an indicator for the amount of work we've all put into it, but it's hard not to have an objective measure of success, even if it doesn't tell me what I want to hear. As frustrating as it is, I WAS up 3lbs... and I only knew to change something once I had received that feedback. Although, I definitely think it's time to wean myself from the scale a bit. I weigh myself way too often (I jump on and off the scale many, many times during the day)... once a day (in the morning) is my goal for the rest of the week.
Have a good day ladies! I wish you some non-scale success today...
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Day 336: An Angry Blade
Update: 212lbs
I don't know why the scale is screwing with my head these past two days. I mean up 2lbs and then up 3lbs???!!! I didn't exercise Sunday, but I also didn't eat over my calories... and then yesterday? I exercised bright and early, ate less than a hundred calories over (but burned off much more than that with the exercise). So why is the scale showing me these numbers? And I don't seem to be the only one with disappointing numbers this week. Is it a full moon or are the tides 'a changin'? Because I am not happy right now. It might be some delayed reaction from my cookies on Friday or my drinking on Saturday, but I haven't had that happen before. TOM is on its way, but that is almost a week away... and as much respect I have for my weight routine, I don't think I've gained three pounds of muscle without losing any fat, but who knows with this bloody body of mine.
After taking a look at my food diary I can suggest three possible factors... 1) Not enough fibre... I didn't go grocery shopping on Sunday, therefore I didn't have my usual fresh/frozen fruit and all-bran buds in the morning which provides me usually with about 20grams right there. I usually get up to 30-40grams in a day - yesterday was 15g. Okay, reasonable assumption (and I went grocery shopping yesterday). 2) My fat content was up the past 3 or 4 days. I don't know how that specifically would affect my weight, but in my macronutrient balance, I know fat shouldn't be second-highest (at least for me)... 3) My sodium is up. It's something I usually watch quite closely, but with the lack of groceries the past couple days, I have had to rely on canned foods to make meals out of... and bread products which all have sodium. I have been getting all my water - with a little extra, but I suppose it was not enough to counter sodium's effects.
So I really don't know if any of those truly contributed to this new weight, or perhaps that while napping or sleeping, I sleepwalk and stuff my face with brown sugar and flour.
Grr... anyway, as much as I would love to just skip the workout today and stew in my anger and frustration, I might as well keep plugging through and pretend like these two numbers just didn't show themselves. I have all my groceries now to keep me healthy and fed, and I am hoping to see that on the scale by Friday... and if it doesn't... well... I can't be responsible for my actions... :)
Alright, good luck with your Tuesdays!
I don't know why the scale is screwing with my head these past two days. I mean up 2lbs and then up 3lbs???!!! I didn't exercise Sunday, but I also didn't eat over my calories... and then yesterday? I exercised bright and early, ate less than a hundred calories over (but burned off much more than that with the exercise). So why is the scale showing me these numbers? And I don't seem to be the only one with disappointing numbers this week. Is it a full moon or are the tides 'a changin'? Because I am not happy right now. It might be some delayed reaction from my cookies on Friday or my drinking on Saturday, but I haven't had that happen before. TOM is on its way, but that is almost a week away... and as much respect I have for my weight routine, I don't think I've gained three pounds of muscle without losing any fat, but who knows with this bloody body of mine.
After taking a look at my food diary I can suggest three possible factors... 1) Not enough fibre... I didn't go grocery shopping on Sunday, therefore I didn't have my usual fresh/frozen fruit and all-bran buds in the morning which provides me usually with about 20grams right there. I usually get up to 30-40grams in a day - yesterday was 15g. Okay, reasonable assumption (and I went grocery shopping yesterday). 2) My fat content was up the past 3 or 4 days. I don't know how that specifically would affect my weight, but in my macronutrient balance, I know fat shouldn't be second-highest (at least for me)... 3) My sodium is up. It's something I usually watch quite closely, but with the lack of groceries the past couple days, I have had to rely on canned foods to make meals out of... and bread products which all have sodium. I have been getting all my water - with a little extra, but I suppose it was not enough to counter sodium's effects.
So I really don't know if any of those truly contributed to this new weight, or perhaps that while napping or sleeping, I sleepwalk and stuff my face with brown sugar and flour.
Grr... anyway, as much as I would love to just skip the workout today and stew in my anger and frustration, I might as well keep plugging through and pretend like these two numbers just didn't show themselves. I have all my groceries now to keep me healthy and fed, and I am hoping to see that on the scale by Friday... and if it doesn't... well... I can't be responsible for my actions... :)
Alright, good luck with your Tuesdays!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Day 334: Making a Memory
Update: 209.8lbs
I have managed to successfully navigate my way through my Friday off and my night out last night (at least weight-wise). I am a little worse for wear in other ways this morning though. I am hoping not to eat my weight in fridge-leftovers as I spend the day mostly in bed (ooh... haven't spent a day in bed for a long while... love it).
I gave up my no-bread diet on Friday and not because I couldn't do it anymore, but because the fridge was (is) getting pretty empty. I technically should do a bit of shopping today, but I'll wait until the afternoon and when I hope I am feeling a little more human.
For four days in a row I have hovered in the 209s - going from 209.8 to 209.4 to 209.2 and then today's weight (and believe me, each and every morning I would get on and off and to no avail). I am hoping tomorrow is the day to see a new (and lower) number. Bah humbug...
On my day off, I still went to school to get a transit pass for next month and decided that while I was there I would just get my workout done and over with. I go to my locker, take out my bag, take out my water bottle and socks that I brought with me and then realize that I brought home my gym pants to switch with a clean pair and I didn't remember to bring them back with me. Ahh...shit. I was so disappointed. My friend Liz said I could borrow her pants, but she is a tiny girl and no way her clothes would have fit me. Needless to say, I didn't even go to the gym in the condo. Instead I baked cookies (obviously a much healthier option) and ate a good many of them, then froze half the dough so I wouldn't end up eating the entire batch.
Saturday I felt a tiny bit guilty about the non-workout and the cookies so I made myself go to the condo gym. I don't know what it is about that room, but it smells funny and is so bloody hot in there. I couldn't do my usual intervals (2 minutes running, 1 minute walking), it ended up taking me an hour for me to get all 12minutes of running in, and I was sweating so horribly (thank god other people weren't there to watch). Then I did some upper body weight lifting with the highest free weight they had (only 8lbs). I was so angry after that workout. Angry that I couldn't do my usual 12 minutes (or longer) in my usual way; angry that it was so bloody hot, making it that much harder; angry that this damn room was so small; angry that the machines were crap. Grr... so frustrating, but I am really glad that I did it and was on that bloody treadmill a half hour longer than I usually go for.
I was looking at a calendar from 2005 (it had hot firefighters in it) and I saw that what my weight is now, was my goal three years ago. And where I hope to be at my one-year weight loss anniversary is the exact goal weight I had back then at that time. How odd. January/February 2005 was also when I stopped writing on that calendar... I was always about 10lbs off target, so no wonder why I got discouraged. Maybe this time I'll manage to succeed (and maybe even in my timeframe).
Today I am skipping the gym, but will probably make the effort to go bright and early tomorrow morning.
Alright, have a great Sunday!
I have managed to successfully navigate my way through my Friday off and my night out last night (at least weight-wise). I am a little worse for wear in other ways this morning though. I am hoping not to eat my weight in fridge-leftovers as I spend the day mostly in bed (ooh... haven't spent a day in bed for a long while... love it).
I gave up my no-bread diet on Friday and not because I couldn't do it anymore, but because the fridge was (is) getting pretty empty. I technically should do a bit of shopping today, but I'll wait until the afternoon and when I hope I am feeling a little more human.
For four days in a row I have hovered in the 209s - going from 209.8 to 209.4 to 209.2 and then today's weight (and believe me, each and every morning I would get on and off and to no avail). I am hoping tomorrow is the day to see a new (and lower) number. Bah humbug...
On my day off, I still went to school to get a transit pass for next month and decided that while I was there I would just get my workout done and over with. I go to my locker, take out my bag, take out my water bottle and socks that I brought with me and then realize that I brought home my gym pants to switch with a clean pair and I didn't remember to bring them back with me. Ahh...shit. I was so disappointed. My friend Liz said I could borrow her pants, but she is a tiny girl and no way her clothes would have fit me. Needless to say, I didn't even go to the gym in the condo. Instead I baked cookies (obviously a much healthier option) and ate a good many of them, then froze half the dough so I wouldn't end up eating the entire batch.
Saturday I felt a tiny bit guilty about the non-workout and the cookies so I made myself go to the condo gym. I don't know what it is about that room, but it smells funny and is so bloody hot in there. I couldn't do my usual intervals (2 minutes running, 1 minute walking), it ended up taking me an hour for me to get all 12minutes of running in, and I was sweating so horribly (thank god other people weren't there to watch). Then I did some upper body weight lifting with the highest free weight they had (only 8lbs). I was so angry after that workout. Angry that I couldn't do my usual 12 minutes (or longer) in my usual way; angry that it was so bloody hot, making it that much harder; angry that this damn room was so small; angry that the machines were crap. Grr... so frustrating, but I am really glad that I did it and was on that bloody treadmill a half hour longer than I usually go for.
I was looking at a calendar from 2005 (it had hot firefighters in it) and I saw that what my weight is now, was my goal three years ago. And where I hope to be at my one-year weight loss anniversary is the exact goal weight I had back then at that time. How odd. January/February 2005 was also when I stopped writing on that calendar... I was always about 10lbs off target, so no wonder why I got discouraged. Maybe this time I'll manage to succeed (and maybe even in my timeframe).
Today I am skipping the gym, but will probably make the effort to go bright and early tomorrow morning.
Alright, have a great Sunday!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Continued... The Love List
The "I LOVE ME" List
1. What do you absolutely love about your body?
I love my legs. They are still flabby and all that, but I love how they have supported me (literally) through many weights, through several countries and through seemingly endless workouts. My calves are definitely showing definition and I can't wait to see the same in the thighs (someday). So thank you legs!
2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength?
Although it's not technically 'strength', I was really impressed with myself in December (or maybe late November) after I had been working out regularly for a couple weeks... one day, after being on the elliptical for 30mins, I hopped onto the treadmill and ran for 10 minutes straight. Huge deal! For some reason, my body will not let me replicate it again - so I'll look back on that time with great fondness.
3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be?
I know this is kind of lame, but when I put up my hand to answer questions posed by the prof in one of my larger classes (150+ people). This is something I never did in University and if I was called on, I would either get beet red or stumble around my answer (or both). This shows me how much I have changed since this time last year. I am a new person in so many ways. I also moved to a big city to live by myself, I went to a new school, played intramurals I never thought I would play, ran for student council (and won). These reasons are why I am braver than I ever thought I would be.
4. When did your self-control blow you away?
Haha... well... not quite so much lately. I suppose I could count the time a week or two ago when I didn't eat the entire bag of chips in one sitting (definitely have done that many many times). Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to add to this question...
5. What is your proudest moment ever?
Ever? I am not sure I have just one. All those things I listed for the brave question definitely apply here. And to add to that, losing 50lbs by myself. I am so proud of myself for that. It is definitely the largest amount of weight I have ever successfully lost (in a row, I should add).
6. When was the last time you felt absolutely beautiful?
There wasn't a specific moment, or day. But once in a while I walk out of the house feeling so great about everything- my body, hair, makeup, clothes - everything fits. I love those moments. I walk down the street with a soundtrack playing in my head and an aura of confidence surrounding me (at least that's what I hope it looks like!). God, I love those days!
7. Why do you deserve to meet your goals?
Because I have been working really hard... Because I really want this... Because I am a good person... Because I am willing and able to make the changes necessary... Because I am worth taking care of, worth looking good and feeling good.
Day 331: The Middle
Update: 209.8lbs!! 50.2lbs DOWN!
I just wanted to make a quick post today because although it is technically the 'most depressing day of the year', it's definitely not to me! I am finally down 50lbs, and about 50% done my weight loss 'journey' (or at least until a different journey begins). My BMI at this moment is 31.90 and I am only 13.8lbs away from the 'Overweight' category. Fantastic. And so so close to being under 200. I love being in the low 200s, it feels more real now - more likely that I'll succeed (and damn right!).
I've done really well this week. I've managed to get a significant amount of protein each day and still get all my carbs (despite still avoiding breads, pasta, crackers etc.). I am eating tons of vegetables (at least compared to previous weeks) and getting all my water (although not green tea.. but that's alright, I forgive myself). And I have exercised each day this week. Two of those days involved getting up hours before my 9am class to get it in, but it had to be done. I am even starting to see definition in my arms (don't get me wrong though, there is still a ton of fat there, but at least I know the muscles are there, hiding underneath)....
One thing I have been wanting to do for a while now is to fill in Krissie's Love List. It is a great idea for giving ourselves motivation that isn't necessarily connected directly to the weight. I figure I might as well do this while I am in a good mood (and perhaps bringing it out often, when I am not)! So that is what I will do when I get home from school today... Thanks Krissie for the great idea!
The "I LOVE ME" List
1. What do you absolutely love about your body?
2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength?
3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be?
4. When did your self-control blow you away?
5. What is your proudest moment ever?
6. When was the last time you felt absolutely beautiful?
7. Why do you deserve to meet your goals?
I have so much to comment on in your blogs, so I'll be stopping by tonight! Have a wonderful 'most depressing day of the year'!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Day 328: We Can Have It
Update: 313.2lbs
I wanted to thank you guys for replying to my last post. It's easy to get down on yourself when you feel like you have been running in place for a long time.
One thing Kathy asked was what would I tell a friend in the same situation? How would I suggest she move on? I thought about it long and hard and decided that I would tell her to pick up her heels, make plans ahead of time and that eventually the motivation would catch up with her. I would tell her that it usually only takes one good exhibition of willpower to get back in the habit of avoiding (or moderating) the foods that aren't meant to be eaten 4-5 servings at a time, so just get to it. I would tell her she could do and that I would support her.
Planning was exactly the advice that both Krissie and Poonie gave me. So you guys are great! Lauren suggested to cut back on the drinks, which is a very valid point. Alcohol lowers my inhibition with people, so it's safe to assume it does the same with eating. So perhaps I'll drink in moderation, but I'm not promising anything! :)
I made myself go grocery shopping last night on the way home from my dad's and actually only bought fruits and vegetables (okay, and some dairy and egg whites, and dark chocolate - but all healthy). I cut up a huge salad for lunch today with grapes and carrots for a snack. I planned it all ahead of time. I ate a random dinner of sweet potato and a tomato-saucy cubed steak stuff. Definitely have eaten more vegetables today than I have all week. So good start so far...
I had attempted to go to the gym before leaving for my dad's yesterday, but the gym in my condo had two people in it! Ha! doesn't seem like many, but really more than two people shouldn't be in there (there are only 2 working machines)... so I had to sneak back upstairs. I was very much disappointed and told myself that I would go in the evening, but when I got home from dad's and grocery shopping it was 9pm and I still had to put away my laundry and groceries. So I promised myself I would go this morning, Monday, my usual day off from the workout. Sigh... nontheless I made the commitment to myself. So I woke up at 5ish am this morning and managed to get in a good workout. And I managed to get through the long day unscathed and un-napped, so alas, now that the evening has come, I am starting to feel a little sleepy. In fact, I think it is nap time.
Have a good night!
I wanted to thank you guys for replying to my last post. It's easy to get down on yourself when you feel like you have been running in place for a long time.
One thing Kathy asked was what would I tell a friend in the same situation? How would I suggest she move on? I thought about it long and hard and decided that I would tell her to pick up her heels, make plans ahead of time and that eventually the motivation would catch up with her. I would tell her that it usually only takes one good exhibition of willpower to get back in the habit of avoiding (or moderating) the foods that aren't meant to be eaten 4-5 servings at a time, so just get to it. I would tell her she could do and that I would support her.
Planning was exactly the advice that both Krissie and Poonie gave me. So you guys are great! Lauren suggested to cut back on the drinks, which is a very valid point. Alcohol lowers my inhibition with people, so it's safe to assume it does the same with eating. So perhaps I'll drink in moderation, but I'm not promising anything! :)
I made myself go grocery shopping last night on the way home from my dad's and actually only bought fruits and vegetables (okay, and some dairy and egg whites, and dark chocolate - but all healthy). I cut up a huge salad for lunch today with grapes and carrots for a snack. I planned it all ahead of time. I ate a random dinner of sweet potato and a tomato-saucy cubed steak stuff. Definitely have eaten more vegetables today than I have all week. So good start so far...
I had attempted to go to the gym before leaving for my dad's yesterday, but the gym in my condo had two people in it! Ha! doesn't seem like many, but really more than two people shouldn't be in there (there are only 2 working machines)... so I had to sneak back upstairs. I was very much disappointed and told myself that I would go in the evening, but when I got home from dad's and grocery shopping it was 9pm and I still had to put away my laundry and groceries. So I promised myself I would go this morning, Monday, my usual day off from the workout. Sigh... nontheless I made the commitment to myself. So I woke up at 5ish am this morning and managed to get in a good workout. And I managed to get through the long day unscathed and un-napped, so alas, now that the evening has come, I am starting to feel a little sleepy. In fact, I think it is nap time.
Have a good night!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Day 327: Sparks
Update: 215lbs (blah)
I don't know why I have been having such trouble lately. During the week I am perfectly fine eating well and exercising, but when that weekend hits and the plans come out of the woodwork, I can't seem to get my act together. I miss the days where even when I was going out, I felt like I should still eat healthfully. Now, when I go out, I see it as a chance to eat the bad stuff - my only chance. I think it might be a symptom of being within this 5lb range, but I manage to keep sabotaging myself so I might never get out of it. I need to kick my ass into gear so I can get down to the 100s. Considering on Friday morning I made it to 210.6lbs, only 0.6lbs until 50lbs lost, but then Friday night came around, and then Saturday night came around. And look where I am now. One of the problems was I didn't feel 210 on Friday, I felt bloaty and fat, but I certainly won't 'feel' skinnier by continuing to go hog wild whenever a special occasion arises. And I hate disappointing myself, and you guys and this blog. I read about people who have lost closer to 100lbs in a year, and frankly, I get a little jealous...
How can I drag the motivation I have during the week with me into the weekend? How do you guys cope with the plans? Is it just your intrinsic willpower? Or have you slowed down the rate of doing those things on the weekend? Do we ever just learn how to do this weight loss thing? Jeez...
And the trouble is, I already know that I have something else to do next weekend. It's a friend from class's birthday party at a club in Toronto. And it's not even an option not to go - I want to go, she is a great person, and someone I can see developing a real friendship with. It's the eating that is the problem, not so much the drinking.
Let's get down to the nitty gritties... Goals for the week:
-Drink all water, every day (include at least one cup of green tea)
-No eating at the birthday party on Saturday... drink, dance, laugh... no food!
-Exercise 5-6x during the week (at least a half hour of hard cardio and then alternate legs/arms for weightlifting)
-multivitamin, every day
-Stay within calories
-hmm... and maybe just for this week... no bread, pasta, crackers... I should be eating more vegetables anyway
I am going to my dad's tonight and let's see how I can make this work at his house.
I don't know why I have been having such trouble lately. During the week I am perfectly fine eating well and exercising, but when that weekend hits and the plans come out of the woodwork, I can't seem to get my act together. I miss the days where even when I was going out, I felt like I should still eat healthfully. Now, when I go out, I see it as a chance to eat the bad stuff - my only chance. I think it might be a symptom of being within this 5lb range, but I manage to keep sabotaging myself so I might never get out of it. I need to kick my ass into gear so I can get down to the 100s. Considering on Friday morning I made it to 210.6lbs, only 0.6lbs until 50lbs lost, but then Friday night came around, and then Saturday night came around. And look where I am now. One of the problems was I didn't feel 210 on Friday, I felt bloaty and fat, but I certainly won't 'feel' skinnier by continuing to go hog wild whenever a special occasion arises. And I hate disappointing myself, and you guys and this blog. I read about people who have lost closer to 100lbs in a year, and frankly, I get a little jealous...
How can I drag the motivation I have during the week with me into the weekend? How do you guys cope with the plans? Is it just your intrinsic willpower? Or have you slowed down the rate of doing those things on the weekend? Do we ever just learn how to do this weight loss thing? Jeez...
And the trouble is, I already know that I have something else to do next weekend. It's a friend from class's birthday party at a club in Toronto. And it's not even an option not to go - I want to go, she is a great person, and someone I can see developing a real friendship with. It's the eating that is the problem, not so much the drinking.
Let's get down to the nitty gritties... Goals for the week:
-Drink all water, every day (include at least one cup of green tea)
-No eating at the birthday party on Saturday... drink, dance, laugh... no food!
-Exercise 5-6x during the week (at least a half hour of hard cardio and then alternate legs/arms for weightlifting)
-multivitamin, every day
-Stay within calories
-hmm... and maybe just for this week... no bread, pasta, crackers... I should be eating more vegetables anyway
I am going to my dad's tonight and let's see how I can make this work at his house.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Day 323: A Pain that I'm Used to
Update: 213lbs... the weekend was a hard one
It all started Saturday night (okay... I suppose technically Sunday morning) with a plate of nachos and a milk shake. Adding to that some movie theatre popcorn (although, I managed not to eat the whole bag), nachos and processed cheese and some candy on Sunday afternoon with my mom - my body just gained some weight - rightfully so. Also, instead of exercising I decided to clean my apartment, which was definitely a good choice for me to live comfortably, but I should have sweat some of that fat off. I also skipped Monday, but only because it's my longest day of school, 9 to 4:30 with only an hour off in between. By the end of a Monday, I just can't make myself go to the gym - I am pretty sure it will be my day off weekly from the exercise madness.
Redeeming factor... I did get to the gym yesterday. I went into school early (okay... 10am, not so difficult, but still early) and despite the gym being packed again, I kicked some elliptical butt. I keep trying to get a farther distance and burn more calories than last time (in the same amount of time). I definitely wobble off the elliptical with chest, back, ass, and face sweat dripping off me. I still need to make myself a plan for weightlifting, but I am procrastinating... once I make that plan I will need to push myself harder to actually increase my weights - I am not helping myself right now. So despite the workout, the extra protein yesterday, my weight stayed the same from yesterday.
Tomorrow will be a better number, I can feel it - I will watch my sodium and get my water, I promise! Soon I'll be leaving (early) for school to do another workout before class. My regular pants have been feeling tight lately and my size 16's more so, so I really have to push myself to get back into them (comfortably!).
I am back on lavalife - why not... I'll let you guys know if anything interesting comes up, but I am trying not to get my hopes up. Writing that little blurb about yourself was definitely still the hardest part of the whole experience. It's still not right, but no one will ever know the true me from that little paragraph, so I won't stress too much over it. Watch out boys, here I come... haha
Alright, have a good day ladies...
It all started Saturday night (okay... I suppose technically Sunday morning) with a plate of nachos and a milk shake. Adding to that some movie theatre popcorn (although, I managed not to eat the whole bag), nachos and processed cheese and some candy on Sunday afternoon with my mom - my body just gained some weight - rightfully so. Also, instead of exercising I decided to clean my apartment, which was definitely a good choice for me to live comfortably, but I should have sweat some of that fat off. I also skipped Monday, but only because it's my longest day of school, 9 to 4:30 with only an hour off in between. By the end of a Monday, I just can't make myself go to the gym - I am pretty sure it will be my day off weekly from the exercise madness.
Redeeming factor... I did get to the gym yesterday. I went into school early (okay... 10am, not so difficult, but still early) and despite the gym being packed again, I kicked some elliptical butt. I keep trying to get a farther distance and burn more calories than last time (in the same amount of time). I definitely wobble off the elliptical with chest, back, ass, and face sweat dripping off me. I still need to make myself a plan for weightlifting, but I am procrastinating... once I make that plan I will need to push myself harder to actually increase my weights - I am not helping myself right now. So despite the workout, the extra protein yesterday, my weight stayed the same from yesterday.
Tomorrow will be a better number, I can feel it - I will watch my sodium and get my water, I promise! Soon I'll be leaving (early) for school to do another workout before class. My regular pants have been feeling tight lately and my size 16's more so, so I really have to push myself to get back into them (comfortably!).
I am back on lavalife - why not... I'll let you guys know if anything interesting comes up, but I am trying not to get my hopes up. Writing that little blurb about yourself was definitely still the hardest part of the whole experience. It's still not right, but no one will ever know the true me from that little paragraph, so I won't stress too much over it. Watch out boys, here I come... haha
Alright, have a good day ladies...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Day 319: Get Up Stand Up
Update: 212lbs.... yay! one pound left to go before the journey begins again...
I think it is quite amazing how exercising can cover up a multitude of sins. This week I have eaten a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, chocolate (although it was dark... haha... that makes it so much better), and last night alone drank a truck-load worth of beer... and yet managed to continue to lose. My only explanation is exercise. Although I haven't been as great with my eating this week (although not horrible either), I know I have kicked butt in the exercise arena. I have worked myself so hard trying to get back to the level of cardiovascular health I was at in the beginning of December, not to mention the day-to-day walking I do. Through sweat and tears (okay... no tears) I have managed not to let my body attach itself to the crap I ate. That, I think, will be my goal for the entire year - to make sure I exercise before and after overeating, or eating the 'bad' foods. It's my challenge to you too - if you eat poorly, just exercise... even if it doesn't completely negate the bad foods, at least it will probably stave off the gas and bloating (heck, and just make you feel good again)... because I know we will never be perfect in our eating, it's bloody impossible!
Ohh.. does anyone else find watching the Biggest Loser tempting? I know it's not the show's point, but when I see those temptation foods... man, my mouth starts to water and I begin to think about all the foods I would love to eat at that moment. Not exactly the right response to weight loss show - although... I totally think I could resist (haha... after saying I bought a bag of chips on a whim). I have done a similar thing to the Biggest Loser when I had joined a weight loss study, and as successful as I was... as the challenges presented themselves (i.e. changes in routine) post-study, I didn't deal with them well. By Christmas-time I pretty much went hog-wild and gained the 20+lbs I had lost. So as I was about to write that I wish I could someday go on the Biggest Loser, but in fact, no... I don't wish to go on it. I could see myself relying on the style of living there (with personal trainers pushing you to do the work instead of just doing it) and having other people rely on your weight loss too... that just doesn't happen in the real world. The only person who my weight loss affects... is me. I wish I had a personal trainer, but everything else I could do without. I have been successful so far, might as well continue on - even if it means it takes years to get this weight off (it's not like I have anywhere in particular to be). The most important thing for me right now is to not look back (except perhaps in nostalgia).
Have a great weekend... and if you eat poorly, my only recommendation is to exercise!
I think it is quite amazing how exercising can cover up a multitude of sins. This week I have eaten a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, chocolate (although it was dark... haha... that makes it so much better), and last night alone drank a truck-load worth of beer... and yet managed to continue to lose. My only explanation is exercise. Although I haven't been as great with my eating this week (although not horrible either), I know I have kicked butt in the exercise arena. I have worked myself so hard trying to get back to the level of cardiovascular health I was at in the beginning of December, not to mention the day-to-day walking I do. Through sweat and tears (okay... no tears) I have managed not to let my body attach itself to the crap I ate. That, I think, will be my goal for the entire year - to make sure I exercise before and after overeating, or eating the 'bad' foods. It's my challenge to you too - if you eat poorly, just exercise... even if it doesn't completely negate the bad foods, at least it will probably stave off the gas and bloating (heck, and just make you feel good again)... because I know we will never be perfect in our eating, it's bloody impossible!
Ohh.. does anyone else find watching the Biggest Loser tempting? I know it's not the show's point, but when I see those temptation foods... man, my mouth starts to water and I begin to think about all the foods I would love to eat at that moment. Not exactly the right response to weight loss show - although... I totally think I could resist (haha... after saying I bought a bag of chips on a whim). I have done a similar thing to the Biggest Loser when I had joined a weight loss study, and as successful as I was... as the challenges presented themselves (i.e. changes in routine) post-study, I didn't deal with them well. By Christmas-time I pretty much went hog-wild and gained the 20+lbs I had lost. So as I was about to write that I wish I could someday go on the Biggest Loser, but in fact, no... I don't wish to go on it. I could see myself relying on the style of living there (with personal trainers pushing you to do the work instead of just doing it) and having other people rely on your weight loss too... that just doesn't happen in the real world. The only person who my weight loss affects... is me. I wish I had a personal trainer, but everything else I could do without. I have been successful so far, might as well continue on - even if it means it takes years to get this weight off (it's not like I have anywhere in particular to be). The most important thing for me right now is to not look back (except perhaps in nostalgia).
Have a great weekend... and if you eat poorly, my only recommendation is to exercise!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Day 318: What a Girl Wants
Update: 213.2lbs
Yay! The weight is coming off! Only about 2lbs away from my lowest weight and hopefully this weekend I can break that barrier.
Despite the fact that I have the day off from school today, I made sure I did not have a day off from the gym. I didn't go back to school, but I definitely went to my condo's gym (and man, it's crappy). I did it though, and I was sweating more than I ever have in a long time. My shirt was soaked... and I didn't even do that much. I got on the one treadmill (of course no one was there) and after a 5 minute warm-up, I alternated running a minute with walking a minute and a half. By the end I was dying... and it was only for twenty minutes. Next time I'll try to up it to 30 minutes, but I may have to adjust that as needed. I also went on the stationary bike for about 15 minutes and a few weights (although we only have up to 8lb free weights - not quite enough). I did some push-ups with the exercise ball - we'll see if I can do it without the ball by the end of the month....
I am going to a play with my sister tonight and afterward have to run to get to the Fashionista's birthday party at a bar across town in Toronto (at least it's not in University town). I bought a dress for the occasion (just a simple button-up navy shirt dress from the Gap) so I am hoping to spice it up somehow - perhaps with some heels and some pretty jewellery. My other dress, that I was hoping to wear on New Year's Eve, it still hasn't arrived! They said because I am in Canada I have to wait 6 full weeks before it either arrives or I can get my money back, but it's quite the piss-off. Oh well... I actually kind of hope it still comes, if it's appropriate I might wear it for my step-brother's wedding in March (Kathy - I think it's the same day... the 8th!). I'll just have to wait and see...
One flattering thing that happened to me over the break was when my ex-roomie and I were walking home from the bar on NYE and she said she could piggy back me for a little bit (I was complaining about the shoes - of course)... and I told her that it was alright and she couldn't carry me anyway. Then she said how she totally could because we probably weighed about the same amount, and that I was just a bit shorter than her... haha... now she is about 5'11 and about 180lbs... she did not believe me when I said I was 215lb (heck, at that moment I was probably closer to 220)... it was a nice little shock to give someone. She's probably never known what 200lbs looked like - but I'll still take it as a NSV.
Yesterday was a very hard day - cravings-wise. I have been craving chips the past few days and on the way home, I gave in and bought a bag (next time, note-to-self: buy the small snack size!). I deleted most of what I had planned to eat on the Daily Plate and added a couple of serving of chips. I managed not to eat the whole bag, but definitely went to bed thinking about that bag... and woke up thinking about that bag... dammit. I hate how bad food takes a hold of my mind sometimes. At least I fit it into my calorie allotment. I was toying with the idea of having a 'cheat day' once a week (again)... but I know it will not be good. If I truly want something, then I have to just fit it into my calories... it's possible if I really want it. Grr... do skinny people get these same cravings?
Anyways, have a great Friday ladies! I hope you resist the cravings better than I managed to do!
Yay! The weight is coming off! Only about 2lbs away from my lowest weight and hopefully this weekend I can break that barrier.
Despite the fact that I have the day off from school today, I made sure I did not have a day off from the gym. I didn't go back to school, but I definitely went to my condo's gym (and man, it's crappy). I did it though, and I was sweating more than I ever have in a long time. My shirt was soaked... and I didn't even do that much. I got on the one treadmill (of course no one was there) and after a 5 minute warm-up, I alternated running a minute with walking a minute and a half. By the end I was dying... and it was only for twenty minutes. Next time I'll try to up it to 30 minutes, but I may have to adjust that as needed. I also went on the stationary bike for about 15 minutes and a few weights (although we only have up to 8lb free weights - not quite enough). I did some push-ups with the exercise ball - we'll see if I can do it without the ball by the end of the month....
I am going to a play with my sister tonight and afterward have to run to get to the Fashionista's birthday party at a bar across town in Toronto (at least it's not in University town). I bought a dress for the occasion (just a simple button-up navy shirt dress from the Gap) so I am hoping to spice it up somehow - perhaps with some heels and some pretty jewellery. My other dress, that I was hoping to wear on New Year's Eve, it still hasn't arrived! They said because I am in Canada I have to wait 6 full weeks before it either arrives or I can get my money back, but it's quite the piss-off. Oh well... I actually kind of hope it still comes, if it's appropriate I might wear it for my step-brother's wedding in March (Kathy - I think it's the same day... the 8th!). I'll just have to wait and see...
One flattering thing that happened to me over the break was when my ex-roomie and I were walking home from the bar on NYE and she said she could piggy back me for a little bit (I was complaining about the shoes - of course)... and I told her that it was alright and she couldn't carry me anyway. Then she said how she totally could because we probably weighed about the same amount, and that I was just a bit shorter than her... haha... now she is about 5'11 and about 180lbs... she did not believe me when I said I was 215lb (heck, at that moment I was probably closer to 220)... it was a nice little shock to give someone. She's probably never known what 200lbs looked like - but I'll still take it as a NSV.
Yesterday was a very hard day - cravings-wise. I have been craving chips the past few days and on the way home, I gave in and bought a bag (next time, note-to-self: buy the small snack size!). I deleted most of what I had planned to eat on the Daily Plate and added a couple of serving of chips. I managed not to eat the whole bag, but definitely went to bed thinking about that bag... and woke up thinking about that bag... dammit. I hate how bad food takes a hold of my mind sometimes. At least I fit it into my calorie allotment. I was toying with the idea of having a 'cheat day' once a week (again)... but I know it will not be good. If I truly want something, then I have to just fit it into my calories... it's possible if I really want it. Grr... do skinny people get these same cravings?
Anyways, have a great Friday ladies! I hope you resist the cravings better than I managed to do!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Day 316: Above the Wreckage
Update: 215lbs
I've done well the past few days (today and yesterday), despite a somewhat surprising number on the scale yesterday - 217.4 -- a loss of only 0.2lbs. I ignored it and then today was rewarded with a much more reasonable number. I am definitely working my way back to 211lbs and then beyond.
I definitely went to the gym yesterday in my two hour break between classes and it felt really good. Very, very hard. But good. Definitely lost some endurance and muscle in the last month, but it shouldn't take too much extra effort to get it back. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did some weights.
I also made it to the gym today since I had a five hour break between classes (how useless is that?). It was kind of funny because about 7 or 8 people from my class all trekked down to the gym in the break (definitely the most amount of people I have seen in my school's small gym... ever). I got on the elliptical for half an hour and then just felt like running for a bit... only 4 minutes, but it was just to test myself and work my body a little differently than with the elliptical. Then I did weights again. I think it is time for me to look up some weightlifting routines so I can make sure I am getting the most out of what I am doing. I really do have intentions of toning my arms more, but sometimes I feel like what I DO do, isn't working as effectively anymore. This weekend might be spent doing some research then...
Intramurals are starting up again and I may play volleyball once more if a team can be formed... and also one of my guy friends from class (not loverboy) asked if I wanted to play basketball on our class team. I said sure, but that I didn't really know how to play (my standard - but true - answer). If I actually do sign up I am hoping to get some serious practice in before the games start. Basketball might be a decent way to help tone the arms though (if the boys ever let me shoot... and if they want to win, that will never happen)...haha...
School is scary already and I have only gotten through the third day - it will be a lot of extra work and a crap load of stress. But somehow, I know I'll get through it... somehow... :S
I am also moderately thinking about going on Lavalife again... I don't know if I really want to put out the effort, but on the other hand I want to just go out and date... meet people I would otherwise not meet. I'll let you know what I ultimately decide...
Alright, I am off to bed (and it's only 8:30pm) but I feel absolutely exhausted... not used to getting up before 7am anymore. Luckily, my one early morning Friday class is cancelled so I have a 3.5day weekend. Wonderful! (I actually need to start studying anyway)... Have great evening!
I've done well the past few days (today and yesterday), despite a somewhat surprising number on the scale yesterday - 217.4 -- a loss of only 0.2lbs. I ignored it and then today was rewarded with a much more reasonable number. I am definitely working my way back to 211lbs and then beyond.
I definitely went to the gym yesterday in my two hour break between classes and it felt really good. Very, very hard. But good. Definitely lost some endurance and muscle in the last month, but it shouldn't take too much extra effort to get it back. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did some weights.
I also made it to the gym today since I had a five hour break between classes (how useless is that?). It was kind of funny because about 7 or 8 people from my class all trekked down to the gym in the break (definitely the most amount of people I have seen in my school's small gym... ever). I got on the elliptical for half an hour and then just felt like running for a bit... only 4 minutes, but it was just to test myself and work my body a little differently than with the elliptical. Then I did weights again. I think it is time for me to look up some weightlifting routines so I can make sure I am getting the most out of what I am doing. I really do have intentions of toning my arms more, but sometimes I feel like what I DO do, isn't working as effectively anymore. This weekend might be spent doing some research then...
Intramurals are starting up again and I may play volleyball once more if a team can be formed... and also one of my guy friends from class (not loverboy) asked if I wanted to play basketball on our class team. I said sure, but that I didn't really know how to play (my standard - but true - answer). If I actually do sign up I am hoping to get some serious practice in before the games start. Basketball might be a decent way to help tone the arms though (if the boys ever let me shoot... and if they want to win, that will never happen)...haha...
School is scary already and I have only gotten through the third day - it will be a lot of extra work and a crap load of stress. But somehow, I know I'll get through it... somehow... :S
I am also moderately thinking about going on Lavalife again... I don't know if I really want to put out the effort, but on the other hand I want to just go out and date... meet people I would otherwise not meet. I'll let you know what I ultimately decide...
Alright, I am off to bed (and it's only 8:30pm) but I feel absolutely exhausted... not used to getting up before 7am anymore. Luckily, my one early morning Friday class is cancelled so I have a 3.5day weekend. Wonderful! (I actually need to start studying anyway)... Have great evening!
Monday, January 7, 2008
Day 314: When I Come Around
Update: 217.6lbs
That is what Sunday lunch with your mom and dinner with your dad does... oh well.. today I was really good despite not giving myself enough time to make a proper lunch in the morning. I think I only went 70 calories over, and frankly I think I burned that off by helping my dad try to fix my washing machine (damn that thing is heavy!) and the walk to and from the subway station and school. I even managed to get most of my water today, and plan to finish it off before the day is done.
I have a two hour block tomorrow to go to the gym - I already brought my gym stuff with me to school today, so there is no way I can get out of it.
I got very little sleep last night because I was chatting with my best friend in China about the recent events - and with the time difference, late at night is usually the only time we can converse. It made the day long and hard to get through, which is partly why I didn't go to the gym today. I figured that I would get some sleep tonight and start fresh tomorrow.. although.. it's pushing 12am.. not a good start.. I will do it nonetheless... I can already feel that the routine will be good for me. I like not being around the food all the time - it's much less tempting. :)
Although, already school is getting overwhelming (after day bloody 1)... relational anatomy sounds extremely daunting and is definitely one of those courses I may ACTUALLY have to continually study during the year for! Ekk.. I don't think I have ever successfully done that before.. oh the challenges that 2008 brings with it already.. haha...
And I just wanted to say that you guys are doing so wonderful! I hope the momentum from the recovery of New Years sticks around for continued weight loss throughout 2008! And I can't wait to join your ranks again..
That is what Sunday lunch with your mom and dinner with your dad does... oh well.. today I was really good despite not giving myself enough time to make a proper lunch in the morning. I think I only went 70 calories over, and frankly I think I burned that off by helping my dad try to fix my washing machine (damn that thing is heavy!) and the walk to and from the subway station and school. I even managed to get most of my water today, and plan to finish it off before the day is done.
I have a two hour block tomorrow to go to the gym - I already brought my gym stuff with me to school today, so there is no way I can get out of it.
I got very little sleep last night because I was chatting with my best friend in China about the recent events - and with the time difference, late at night is usually the only time we can converse. It made the day long and hard to get through, which is partly why I didn't go to the gym today. I figured that I would get some sleep tonight and start fresh tomorrow.. although.. it's pushing 12am.. not a good start.. I will do it nonetheless... I can already feel that the routine will be good for me. I like not being around the food all the time - it's much less tempting. :)
Although, already school is getting overwhelming (after day bloody 1)... relational anatomy sounds extremely daunting and is definitely one of those courses I may ACTUALLY have to continually study during the year for! Ekk.. I don't think I have ever successfully done that before.. oh the challenges that 2008 brings with it already.. haha...
And I just wanted to say that you guys are doing so wonderful! I hope the momentum from the recovery of New Years sticks around for continued weight loss throughout 2008! And I can't wait to join your ranks again..
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Day 313: Big Time Sensuality
Update: well.. yesterday was 216lbs and I already ate something, so I'll skip the weigh-in this morning.
I had a really, really great time at the bar on Friday for my friend E's birthday. I won't go into all the details because I don't want you guys to have a bad opinion of me... I will admit that I am not usually the one that gets hit on at the bar. My friends are gorgeous and naturally the boys flock to them. Once in a while I will attract a man, with whom I talk... but usually nothing ever comes of it. It never gets past talk - sometimes because of me, sometimes because of them. This past month has honestly been one of the best boy-months in my entire life. Somehow, they have started to talk to me more often (and generally they are goodlooking guys, which I greatly appreciate)... Friday night was no exception. I was planning on driving back home to Toronto that night, but E said she ended up having a couch free and a ride to the bar, so I figured I would drink then. We made our way eventually to this one bar where E, myself and two of her guy friends played a couple of games of pool. During this, a couple of very goodlooking guys walked in and started to watch us play. So we gave them smiles and eye contact, all the fun flirty stuff. And eventually the anonymously send over free drinks. And eventually I make the initiative to go over and thank them and we start chatting. E's guy friends start to get uncomfortable and leave the bar leaving us girls and our new friends. We play some pool, flirt a bit... and nearing the end of the night I decide to kiss my guy - Joel is his name. I am pretty new to the kissing game. I can say I have only truly kissed one other guy, and it was last month, so for me to kiss this guy was a huge deal for me, but something I felt I had to just do to get over with. (Plus, he was really goodlooking and muscley... not something I encounter every day). So one thing leads to another (I'll spare the details), and I spend the night. Big deal for me. This is not something I do usually (obviously), but at my age, it's time to loosen my collar a little. I hope you guys don't think badly of me... :(
I feel renewed to lose weight though, tone up and continue with how I was doing before the holidays. I want to be proud and comfortable to show off my body and not cower in the darkness.
So now I am starting to get a little excited to get back to school and finding a routine at the gym. I know my endurance has fallen - so that is something I have to work on once again.
One thing this has also brought out in me, is that I don't think I have my crush on my school loverboy anymore. This is good. Maybe I can focus on just being good friends with him, without the added, and potentially awkward, lusting factor. Now he is not the only cute boy I know, so I have options... haha
Sorry for the non-weight related post, but this is the single most interesting thing that I've done in a very long time. I've been looking to break out of my shell a bit more and I think I've done it. This year is going to be interesting....
I had a really, really great time at the bar on Friday for my friend E's birthday. I won't go into all the details because I don't want you guys to have a bad opinion of me... I will admit that I am not usually the one that gets hit on at the bar. My friends are gorgeous and naturally the boys flock to them. Once in a while I will attract a man, with whom I talk... but usually nothing ever comes of it. It never gets past talk - sometimes because of me, sometimes because of them. This past month has honestly been one of the best boy-months in my entire life. Somehow, they have started to talk to me more often (and generally they are goodlooking guys, which I greatly appreciate)... Friday night was no exception. I was planning on driving back home to Toronto that night, but E said she ended up having a couch free and a ride to the bar, so I figured I would drink then. We made our way eventually to this one bar where E, myself and two of her guy friends played a couple of games of pool. During this, a couple of very goodlooking guys walked in and started to watch us play. So we gave them smiles and eye contact, all the fun flirty stuff. And eventually the anonymously send over free drinks. And eventually I make the initiative to go over and thank them and we start chatting. E's guy friends start to get uncomfortable and leave the bar leaving us girls and our new friends. We play some pool, flirt a bit... and nearing the end of the night I decide to kiss my guy - Joel is his name. I am pretty new to the kissing game. I can say I have only truly kissed one other guy, and it was last month, so for me to kiss this guy was a huge deal for me, but something I felt I had to just do to get over with. (Plus, he was really goodlooking and muscley... not something I encounter every day). So one thing leads to another (I'll spare the details), and I spend the night. Big deal for me. This is not something I do usually (obviously), but at my age, it's time to loosen my collar a little. I hope you guys don't think badly of me... :(
I feel renewed to lose weight though, tone up and continue with how I was doing before the holidays. I want to be proud and comfortable to show off my body and not cower in the darkness.
So now I am starting to get a little excited to get back to school and finding a routine at the gym. I know my endurance has fallen - so that is something I have to work on once again.
One thing this has also brought out in me, is that I don't think I have my crush on my school loverboy anymore. This is good. Maybe I can focus on just being good friends with him, without the added, and potentially awkward, lusting factor. Now he is not the only cute boy I know, so I have options... haha
Sorry for the non-weight related post, but this is the single most interesting thing that I've done in a very long time. I've been looking to break out of my shell a bit more and I think I've done it. This year is going to be interesting....
Friday, January 4, 2008
Day 311: Wishful Thinking
Update: 217.2lbs...
Slowly getting there...
and yes I think I forgot to say this, but... Happy New Year!! There is always this excitement about starting a new year and having that chance to change things for the better, but really, we all know that it doesn't have to wait for the new year. I will admit that I have never met a New Year's resolution in my entire life. And I will also admit that pretty much since I was 12, I was wishing for either a) weight loss or b) a boyfriend. Oh, how sad little Briana was. So in saying this, I won't be posting my resolutions, but a more practical (for me) Goals for the Next Year:
(I haven't technically thought out this yet...)
- I'd like to try snowboarding sometime in the next year. It is something a lot of my friends do and something that I didn't do because I thought I would be too awkward on the snowboard... oh yeah, and my fear of falling and breaking my bones and teeth.
-Get closer to goal weight. This is an obvious one, but also one that I won't put a specific number on because who knows what will happen in the next year, I just hope to keep up the weight loss.
-Get involved in research at my school. I want to broaden my options for when I get out of school - and it helps the resume a little as well... :)
-Cook/bake more often. I let it slide this past semester, but I truly love to cook, so I am going to incorporate more recipes into my life. I have to start learning my spices better so someday I may cook without a recipe.
-To start saying what I am feeling. I have avoided confrontation my entire life, but I think I am old enough now to handle it. I am going to try to no longer hide what I truly think (with the obvious exceptions of unnecessary hurt).
-Complete five (5) man push-ups by the end of the year... haha... I have never done a man push-up. We'll see how this one goes.
Alright, that is all I have for the new year so far. I may add more... but probably not.
One weight goal I have, is to get down to 199lbs by my one year anniversary of losing weight, which is Feb 27th. That gives me two months to lose 17lbs. It should be plenty of time and some of that weight will come off somewhat easily with extra water intake. I am excited to see what I can do by then with a little determination.
Yesterday I didn't plan out my day well enough, so I didn't have a lot of calories left over for dinner. I ended up just cooking some sweet potatoes and eating them, but of course.... sweet potato fries were looking at me funny - so I had to eat them. I ended up going over calories. But because of a previously-made promise I would have to get my butt to the gym if I went over calories. So I got dressed and prepared myself for the trek (I think it was negative 17 outside that night - in Celsius).... I put on my shoes, load up my bag with supplies and...into the condo lobby and into the 'gym' room. God, I love this condo living. :) It is the crappiest gym ever, but it will work for when I can't get to the gym at school. It essentially has a bike and a treadmill (that work), an exercise ball, trampoline and light hand weights. I managed about 15minutes on the bike and another 20minutes alternating walking and running, and a tiny bit of weight lifting before I called it a night (it was after 11pm by then). It felt good though, it felt really good. I was thinking that if I got up enough ambition, I would ride the bike for a little while every day, but I think that is a mite lofty goal - but who knows what I'll do.
I have a friend's birthday party tonight in my University town, and because I have nowhere to stay the night (thank god), I will have to drive back home after it all. I am glad about that... not only does it mean that I can't drink (and ruin my second day of being on track), but also that I can get back to routine quicker than if I stayed overnight. I still have a lot of things to do in the condo before school starts on Monday.
Anyways, I am finally off to greet the day. I am working my way though all 113 blog posts that I didn't read over the break, so I promise to visit more of you guys today! Have a great one...
Slowly getting there...
and yes I think I forgot to say this, but... Happy New Year!! There is always this excitement about starting a new year and having that chance to change things for the better, but really, we all know that it doesn't have to wait for the new year. I will admit that I have never met a New Year's resolution in my entire life. And I will also admit that pretty much since I was 12, I was wishing for either a) weight loss or b) a boyfriend. Oh, how sad little Briana was. So in saying this, I won't be posting my resolutions, but a more practical (for me) Goals for the Next Year:
(I haven't technically thought out this yet...)
- I'd like to try snowboarding sometime in the next year. It is something a lot of my friends do and something that I didn't do because I thought I would be too awkward on the snowboard... oh yeah, and my fear of falling and breaking my bones and teeth.
-Get closer to goal weight. This is an obvious one, but also one that I won't put a specific number on because who knows what will happen in the next year, I just hope to keep up the weight loss.
-Get involved in research at my school. I want to broaden my options for when I get out of school - and it helps the resume a little as well... :)
-Cook/bake more often. I let it slide this past semester, but I truly love to cook, so I am going to incorporate more recipes into my life. I have to start learning my spices better so someday I may cook without a recipe.
-To start saying what I am feeling. I have avoided confrontation my entire life, but I think I am old enough now to handle it. I am going to try to no longer hide what I truly think (with the obvious exceptions of unnecessary hurt).
-Complete five (5) man push-ups by the end of the year... haha... I have never done a man push-up. We'll see how this one goes.
Alright, that is all I have for the new year so far. I may add more... but probably not.
One weight goal I have, is to get down to 199lbs by my one year anniversary of losing weight, which is Feb 27th. That gives me two months to lose 17lbs. It should be plenty of time and some of that weight will come off somewhat easily with extra water intake. I am excited to see what I can do by then with a little determination.
Yesterday I didn't plan out my day well enough, so I didn't have a lot of calories left over for dinner. I ended up just cooking some sweet potatoes and eating them, but of course.... sweet potato fries were looking at me funny - so I had to eat them. I ended up going over calories. But because of a previously-made promise I would have to get my butt to the gym if I went over calories. So I got dressed and prepared myself for the trek (I think it was negative 17 outside that night - in Celsius).... I put on my shoes, load up my bag with supplies and...into the condo lobby and into the 'gym' room. God, I love this condo living. :) It is the crappiest gym ever, but it will work for when I can't get to the gym at school. It essentially has a bike and a treadmill (that work), an exercise ball, trampoline and light hand weights. I managed about 15minutes on the bike and another 20minutes alternating walking and running, and a tiny bit of weight lifting before I called it a night (it was after 11pm by then). It felt good though, it felt really good. I was thinking that if I got up enough ambition, I would ride the bike for a little while every day, but I think that is a mite lofty goal - but who knows what I'll do.
I have a friend's birthday party tonight in my University town, and because I have nowhere to stay the night (thank god), I will have to drive back home after it all. I am glad about that... not only does it mean that I can't drink (and ruin my second day of being on track), but also that I can get back to routine quicker than if I stayed overnight. I still have a lot of things to do in the condo before school starts on Monday.
Anyways, I am finally off to greet the day. I am working my way though all 113 blog posts that I didn't read over the break, so I promise to visit more of you guys today! Have a great one...
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Day 310: The State I Am In
Update: 219.8lbs...
Well... I gained... I know for sure some of it is water because during the holidays I can't seem to choke the water down... but I also know that the rest of it is pure fat. I ate horribly. I definitely gave myself a free pass this holiday and now I'll have to pay for it.
I honestly can't even remember what a healthy eating day looks like... I think I'll have to go back through my daily plate records and pick a 'good' day and stick to it. I need it! My body is screaming for a well-balanced, home-cooked meal (along with a couple of gallons of water).
Since Christmas, I have been packing up my stuff in the old apartment, packing it away in boxes and then finally getting moved to the new place.... where I am now. I attempted to get the condo painted before my stuff arrived, but with two Christmases (one with dad and one with mom) and a Christmas eve obligation, I only managed to get the hall painted. And man, with my stuff in the condo, painting became a serious hassle. It's all done now.. living/dining room, hall, bedroom. And I never want to see another paint brush for the rest of my life. Now comes the more fun task of organizing it all, and hopefully finishing that today because after the weekend, I am back to school (I think I need a vacation from the holiday...it's always like that though).
I thought I would be more excited to get back to school, but right now I am kind of dreading it. I have enjoyed my life of sloth (...at least more recently... and in between pretty serious bouts of house painting). Although, I am excited to get back to a life of routine - and gym-going. My poor muscles are fading away.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a great holiday - and not too damaging. I'll be visiting soon...
Well... I gained... I know for sure some of it is water because during the holidays I can't seem to choke the water down... but I also know that the rest of it is pure fat. I ate horribly. I definitely gave myself a free pass this holiday and now I'll have to pay for it.
I honestly can't even remember what a healthy eating day looks like... I think I'll have to go back through my daily plate records and pick a 'good' day and stick to it. I need it! My body is screaming for a well-balanced, home-cooked meal (along with a couple of gallons of water).
Since Christmas, I have been packing up my stuff in the old apartment, packing it away in boxes and then finally getting moved to the new place.... where I am now. I attempted to get the condo painted before my stuff arrived, but with two Christmases (one with dad and one with mom) and a Christmas eve obligation, I only managed to get the hall painted. And man, with my stuff in the condo, painting became a serious hassle. It's all done now.. living/dining room, hall, bedroom. And I never want to see another paint brush for the rest of my life. Now comes the more fun task of organizing it all, and hopefully finishing that today because after the weekend, I am back to school (I think I need a vacation from the holiday...it's always like that though).
I thought I would be more excited to get back to school, but right now I am kind of dreading it. I have enjoyed my life of sloth (...at least more recently... and in between pretty serious bouts of house painting). Although, I am excited to get back to a life of routine - and gym-going. My poor muscles are fading away.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a great holiday - and not too damaging. I'll be visiting soon...
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