Day 359: Shame

Update: None until Feb. 27th

I suppose it's time to finally get myself out of my funk and get back to it. As much as I love having time off from school, it is so difficult to stay on track - for me anyway. Events pop up randomly, I sit in my place all day - practically nothing else to do but eat.

I managed to stay moderately on track yesterday by exercising half hour more than I usually go for. It was a little punishment for being so bad the past couple of days.

My dinner on Friday, turned into a dinner out every single night for 4 days. Once with my dad, once with Josh, and once with my mom, in addition to the first meal with Suki.

And now, once again, I have a meal out tonight. Although, this one has been planned for a week or two now, so I don't resent it.

I am sick of my knee and how it prevents me from running - which prevents me from exercising in my condo gym because the only decent piece of equipment is a treadmill. I am tired of having -20 (degrees Celsius) stop me from enjoying the outdoors. I am tired of procrastinating... but that still doesn't make me want to study for anything.

I want the motivation I felt just one week ago, to come back and bite me in the ass - give me that tiny bit of willpower to get through the next couple days and then allow me to get through the rest by myself.

And if I want to see a loss on the scale from last month, I need to get my ass in gear and forget the rich foods, the chips, the chocolate. I definitely feel like I have been caught up in a carbohydrate addiction, and I just need to break the cycle to stop craving it all the time.

My mom has begun the South Beach Diet, and for the first two weeks you cut out breads, fruits and many other carbohydrates. I really think this would be helpful for me to stop craving the sweets, but I really truly have an aversion to a 'diet', especially one that cuts out fruits, ever. But maybe I'll try it for a little while (as soon as I finish eating all my delicious fruit, no reason to let it go to waste) if I can't get back on track myself.

So I am sorry to disappoint. I easily could have been pushing the 200s right now, but instead and above my 205 (I feel it, even if I refuse to look at the number on the scale).

Despite me complaining about the treadmill, I think I will force myself on it today, and later on tonight I am going bowling with my class, so at least I'll get a little bit of exercise to offset my dinner out. But no... I will not let my dinner out screw me up. Hmm... the menu is not much help in healthy offerings.... what do you guys think? a thin crust pizza or chicken marsala.... ahh.. pizza it is... the other has linguine. Everything had butter, or cream sauces or was fried. Grr... Oh well, that and a salad should be enough.